What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
