my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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