How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
