WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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