i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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