We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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