I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
