no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
