things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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