Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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