worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
