I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
