Since when is my name a synonym for head?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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