he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
