my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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