having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
