love makes seman taste better
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
