Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
