Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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