Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
