you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
