I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
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