Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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