the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
