you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
