Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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