Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
