OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
