If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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