I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
