Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
