she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
