No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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