Can i not drive my cunt home
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
