my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
