My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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