I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
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I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
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he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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