just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
