Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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