life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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