and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
