I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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