she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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