Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
cat food counts as protein by the way
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted