i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
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Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.