Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
