I think I am morally bankrupt
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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