every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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