Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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