You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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