apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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