We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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