We got so high we made milksteak
should my penis look like a turkey
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
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I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
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He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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