We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
