I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
