I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When are your genitals available?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
