so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
