some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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