'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
