i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The air was thick with penises
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
