May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
