I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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