i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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